\n<\/p>\n
Recently, there was a massive technological advancement that I\u2019m too dumb to understand. Now, pictures of apes that people paid tens of thousands of dollars for are worth millions. I\u2019m far too uneducated on the extremely advanced technology behind crypto and NFTs \u2014 non-fungible tokens \u2014 to be able to explain how any of this happened.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe tried to tell you that \u2014 you just didn\u2019t get it,\u201d said local NFT enthusiast Brett Schwalski. \u201cWe knew blowing our entire life savings buying pictures of apes was an amazing investment, but you just didn\u2019t want to hear it.\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not just the familiar cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin and Ethereum \u2014 every single cryptocurrency is now very useful, important and valuable thanks to this change to the way things are. Solana, Terra, Dogecoin, Avalanche, Polka Dot, Shiba Inu, Litecoin, Bitcoin Cash, Monero, Decentraland, PancakeSwap, Moonbeam and Dogelon Mars are just a few of the tens of thousands of cryptocurrencies that are now crucial to the functions of society and, therefore, worth lots of money. If only we had listened when the geniuses who bought in early said crypto was the future!<\/p>\n
Now, don\u2019t worry if you\u2019re a dumb idiot like me who doesn\u2019t understand how cryptocurrencies and NFTs work. Having the world run on crypto means the tech is simultaneously very intuitive \u2014 making crypto significantly better than what we had before \u2014 and extremely complex, meaning only those with the largest, most thought-filled brains will comprehend it. Crypto owners tell me this makes complete sense, and I am a tiny-brained little doofus unable to question their brilliance.<\/p>\n
With cryptocurrency being how it is now, I am told dollars are antiquated. Bitcoin\u2019s worth is no longer measurable in dollars; the value of one cryptocoin is based on how many of another cryptocoin creates an equal exchange. How many would that be? Well, it depends on the supply and demand of each. Why would there be supply or demand between cryptocurrencies if they all theoretically provide the same function as a replacement to fiat currency by storing value to later exchange for real goods and services? I don\u2019t know! These technological doodads are just too sophisticated for my itty bitty noggin!<\/p>\n
\u201cWe always understood this stuff because we\u2019re very smart,\u201d continued the local NFT enthusiast. \u201cThe very complex and technical thing happened that we always knew was going to happen \u2014 now, all our money is to the moon while you remain poor and stupid.\u201d<\/p>\n
Those ape images are now crucial to society and very expensive. Everyone who bought one has been declared co-president of the United States because of how smart they are. They also have very hot girlfriends with whom they have lots of sex because they are very cool and have massive cocks. And they also have Lambos.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Did you know that if you put your ear against mine, you can hear the ocean?<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m so proud of all the geniuses out there who followed in my footsteps and now join me in leading the world into the future of technology,\u201d said Elon Musk. \u201cWe were the ones who foresaw these massive, unprecedented technological changes to stuff. I hope the rest of the world looks upon me and all my new best friends and finally sees how much smarter and more special we are than them.\u201d<\/p>\n